I wonder...

I smile I laugh...trying to find joy in small things- friends n chocolates, movies n jokes!!
My world seems so nice- everything the way I want!

And then dawns upon me the reality- this is only temporary...Reality is far different...

I can see something coming my way- I fear to catch hold of it then...
I can see it move away from me- I curse myself for not holding it tight...

I am annoyed with myself- why did I let it go?
Why didnt I try harder?

Then I am annoyed with HIM- Why is HE playing games with me?
Showing me something that I don't want...
Then making me feel as though its the best I could get...
Luring me into it...
And then take it away...
Leaving behind a craving me...

My life seems like a jigsaw puzzle- the pieces of which I just can't set right...

I live in a nutshell- in a protected nutshell- very hard to break- very safe!!
I feel so lucky, so honored to have been gifted this :)

And then I wonder- am I really so lucky? Being so protected? Not having explored myself? Unable to survive on my own?

I wonder...